Roommates are the worst!

I kid you not, almost every time my roommate opens her mouth, I want to shoot myself in the face. That is literally the worst thing about her: that she never shuts up. But not just that, because even that is bearable in most people. Most of the stupidest things I have ever heard in my whole entire life have spewed from her mouth. And she’s not inebriated when she says them, I swear. 

I don’t care that she uses my shampoo. I don’t care that she never buys toilet paper. I don’t care that she wiped make-up all over my hand towel. If she would stop Skyping her ridiculous friends and stop making ridiculous statements, I would thank her for all that other stuff. Here’s a taste of who I live with and who they let into this university that’s supposed to be so great:

"I’m so mature. My pictures used to be of me drinking. Now they’re all furniture." [10 seconds later...]  "I is a baby!"

"I don’t wanna tell you cause I feel bad, but sometimes your outfits are too colorful, you know what I mean?"

She was telling her friend a story about meeting some guy named Garrett Ryan and texting him the next day. But she thought she put his name in her phone incorrectly, so she called him Ryan and he corrected her. Then she told her friend, "But I don’t understand — how can his last name be Ryan? That doesn’t make any sense..."

Last night was ironic. And by last night I mean 2 a.m., when she’s still being retarded and doing it loudly. She was telling her friend that she wants to get “noise-blocking” headphones and I wanted to shout, “ME TOO!”

Then she told her friend, “I is smart. But obviously not, if I is talking like this.” Ya think?!

Then she said how she could sleep through anything except thunder, because it scares her. Because, she said, “They didn’t have thunder in California.”

Then I cried.